I've spent a lot of my life trying not to feel indifferent, because I think that's the most dead state you can possibly be in. If you hate something, at least you FEEL something. Indifference is colder than that. It's the absence of caring, the absence of passion. I'm the kind of person who ranks passion as a very high priority in my life. I've got to feel passionate about my career, my relationship, and just the daily bullshit in general. If I'm not 100% in it, then why do it? Right?
Yet I have spent the last several months, maybe longer, in this state of "I don't know what I want to do." Work's been paying the bills, but it hasn't been fulfilling me like it used to. I miss working on my own creative projects--poetry, music, and the website that centered around those. That was joy. That was me. I am deeply grateful for the clients I have and the projects I have worked on and will continue to work on in the future, but I want to shift my focus a bit in the coming months.
I desperately want to return to my songwriting classes at www.SongU.com. I got freaked out by the prospects of being a broke songwriter versus a well-off copywriter, and that's why I jumped ship and started taking the copywriting classes at AWAI. It's been great. I've discovered that I am more capable than I ever imagined, and a better writer than I ever knew. I also discovered that a life without creativity will not work for this artist. It's not that I can't be a brilliant businesswoman--it's just that I can't do that exclusively. I have to create--and not just other people's products! My own products! My own poetry books, my own albums... I can't shut up my muse anymore, and I can't do something "just for the money" anymore either. The passion has got to be there.
Sometimes on your way to one goal you find another that is more worthy of you. In the end it's all writing, all a journey to self-discovery, all a craving for connection with other human beings who get what I'm saying. I've been writing my ass off lately. :) I've got so many new poems for you to read... hell, I've got so many OLD poems for you to read that I never had the guts to publish in the past! And the songs too, I finally have lyrics that really express who I am and what I feel. I really want to share this with you guys. I'm so sorry that I waited so long!
So stay tuned... I'll have a lot of great stuff coming your way very soon. And don't miss the poem I posted yesterday, below this post!