Feeling really wound up and can't sleep. I'm not at all ready to go to Uncle Mike's funeral tomorrow. Life and death have been dancing a little too closely lately and I'm just feeling very sensitive to all this loss. I wish there was more time... I wish there weren't such stupid things keeping so many of us apart... I wish things were a little more like they used to be. I guess this is what it feels like to grow up and start growing old. And I guess it's about time.
Whether you're new to the blog or someone who has read every post since day one, welcome. I know I have talked many times about getting back to work on the blog and it seemed like my procrastination would be endless. Well, it wasn't endless. I'm back, and I've been working consistently on things here. It just wasn't as fun or feasible to do all of this creative work on an iPad, which is all I had to work with for several years. Now I'm back to a laptop and I'm beyond pleased.
I missed writing to you. I hope you missed reading me.
As of tonight, the blog is current with all past Instagram posts related to poetry, music, or writing. I put up a few special holiday or photography posts as well, or just particular favorites of mine, but I'm not sure how heavy I'll be with the Instagram posts here, because after all, if they're all here, then why bother following me on Instagram? I figure I'll stick with the highlights.
On a personal note, I started vlogging on YouTube only to drop that for a bit because of my recent emergency surgery (it was an appendectomy and I am 100% fine now, no worries!) and the subsequent bout with anxiety. I am doing pretty well now, but switching meds with the intent of getting off of them all eventually, and needless to say, that is stressful and I can't say that I always feel like myself.
In the end, I'll say that meds have their time and place. I won't speak against them because they can be helpful when used properly. I always used them as prescribed, for the record, but I think they should have been prescribed on an as-needed basis instead of a daily basis, and then maybe I wouldn't be facing these withdrawal issues now. Let's just say tapering and withdrawal weren't on my to-do list in life, and it's an era I'm looking forward to moving on from. I am grateful to be a legal medical marijuana patient in Michigan, and to have that to rely on during the difficult times with these med changes. It definitely helps a ton with my anxiety.
Having said all of that, I had a beautiful holiday season with loved ones. I unfortunately also had to attend the funeral of a loved one's father, which was a mini-reunion of sorts for some family members. That's all a longer story than I'm willing to get into here, but it feels like I have tied up a lot of loose ends in my life, and I'm letting people's anger or judgment belong to them instead of carrying that weight upon my own shoulders these days. I probably spent the whole of the last five years processing everything I went through and getting to this point. I'm free now, and that is something I've longed to be for a very long time.
I hope you are all doing well. I hope you're craving some fresh poetry and writing, because I am excited to share some of what I've created over the past few years with you. If you scroll back a bit, you can enjoy some excerpts and snippets that I posted on Instagram in that time period. Soon, I'll be posting more full poems as well as releasing the long-awaited poetry collection that seemed like the impossible dream! I'm working on the photography and layout of it as we speak.
The horror novel is on the back burner for now, but still in the works, so I hope some of you are gore lovers. Pretty poems versus gory horror... I am a study in contrasts.
Thank you, as always, for your support. XO!