Saying Goodbye to Our Beagle, Jack

I waited a moment to share this sad news because I felt we needed some time to mourn privately. Last Saturday, we had to have Jack put to sleep. It was one of the hardest things we've ever had to do in this life, but there was no more denying that it was time. He was in pain from his bladder tumor and his dementia was worsening. We were afraid to wait even one more day. We have had him for half of our lifetime (we're 32, he was 16), and it is the strangest and emptiest feeling not to have him here anymore. I know many who are reading this have also just gone through this not so long ago, saying goodbye to a beloved pet, and you understand all too well what we are feeling right now. Our hearts are broken but we know he is at peace. Thank you for your care and concern, and most especially to those who knew and loved Jack, thank you for making his life that much more special. 💔

Our last morning with Jack.

Our last morning with Jack.

Happy 16th Birthday, Jack!

Our little old man turns 16 today! I can't say enough about how much I love this guy. So many happy memories of watching him play with his favorite toys, taking him to the park, playing hide and seek (yes, really!) in the backyard, me and him sleeping 6am-6pm solid every day when we lived in Wyandotte (that's not a typo and nobody could wake either of us up!) and always waking up with this little beagle taking up all the space on the bed and me almost on the floor, him playing with his cousins Buddy and Amber and always copying whatever they did (especially Buddy, miss you guy), him and his brother Murphy (our cat) going through their love/hate relationship, taking him to A&W and Sonic for a nice treat on every birthday, and taking tons of photos of this handsome guy over the years! I could go on and on. There will never be another like Jackson Montgomery Mendez. Happy "sweet" 16! :)

Transient

Rest in Peace, Phenomenal Woman. Maya Angelou, 1928-2014

I can't believe the news I'm reading. A great light left this world when Maya Angelou passed away. Her poetry is what inspired me to start writing my own at age 13. Prior to that, I only wrote songs and stories, and I'm not sure I'd have ever written a single line of poetry without having been so moved by hers. She will certainly be missed by many and never forgotten. Her work will be immortal.

Anna Paquin on bisexuality, me on being misunderstood

I stumbled upon this Anna Paquin quote on bisexuality and had to share it because it's so rare that I see us being represented positively in the media. Sometimes I feel like the B in LGBT is the one that gets looked at as either "promiscuous" or "going through a phase" and it's so disrespectful and completely misunderstood.

The tides are turning with people being more accepting, but they give you that acceptance when they think that your label is "gay" or "lesbian," and when the word "bisexual" comes out of your mouth, there's a tangible discomfort in the room. They can't understand that you simply love the person you love regardless of gender, and that you might even be more monogamous than most straight people you know.

Anyway, my commentary is longer than the quote that inspired it at this point, and there's still so much more I could say. I'm sure there's a longer blog post brewing in my brain for the future. For now, here's the quote.

"I'm sure for some people saying they’re bisexual feels less scary than making a statement that they're gay," Paquin -- who is married to her "True Blood" co-star Stephen Moyer -- tells Zooey magazine in a new interview. "For me, it’s not really an issue because I’m someone who believes being bisexual is actually a thing. It’s not made up. It’s not a lack of decision." She continues, "It’s not being greedy or numerous other ignorant things I’ve heard at this point. For a bisexual, it’s not about gender. That’s not the deciding factor for who they’re attracted to."

Alchemists - a love poem

I want us to fall madly in love with each other,
once again, like we were way back when.
One dream, one fantasy, one hope for the future—
just to ravish and be ravished in return.

Part of falling together is drifting gently apart
as the years and the tides do their dirty work,
the waves washing away sand and rock,
morphing the coastline we worked to create.

It is not destruction—it is simply change.
It is nature in her softest and most natural state.
She's not whipping up tornadoes and typhoons—
just gentle lapping of the sea by light of the moon.

We knew when we began that we would get here—
that we'd survive and be a little love-scarred.
It is much akin to battle, and perhaps better then
than when it's apathetic, neutral, and bland.

If we, as alchemists, can transmute these flames
from flickers of past pain into fires of present passion,
we can burn for decades and then turn to sultry smoke,
flitting to the heavens and kissing the stars themselves.

Like other legendary lovers who live on in ink and paper,
our immortality is in the tale; our longevity in the taper—
for the candles must burn a lifetime long for you and I to earn
our place within the ages and our lyrics within the song.

Transient

8-bit

I can feel that button pressing—
my life resetting.
Though you left me,
I will carry the echoes
of the things I thought
I loved about you,
whether or not true.
I will cherish
the ghost coins
that disappear
in my hands,
leaving me broke
and grasping.
Why? To my mind,
they are as real
as the desert hill's sunshine
or the iced land's snow
and I can't imagine
this 8-bit life
without those.

Who would I be
if I let this battle
make me as bitter
and damaged as you?
Some would say
that you'd have won.
I would say
we'd both have lost.
This is only a game
and there's no glory
no matter how
it turns out now.
The system is obsolete
and the cartridge is
lost in a trash heap.
Only memories,
only memories.

The best that I can do
is to play the sequels
exactly as they come,
whether with friends
or happily alone—
whether with pink wings
or swimming down below.
I'll look for
the moments—
the memories—
not the score.
And if I save the princess,
this time I'll love her more.

Decades on,
the boss is inconsequential.
It really is about the journey.
One day I may even realize
that I am the hero, villain, and victim—
the programmer and the creative director.
Not narcissistically, but truthfully,
in hindsight it comes down
to loving me
in pixels, in 3D, or in reality.