Wow, talk about an overnight change... I feel like a tornado swept through my life and reversed everything. I've been working on an ongoing project--one that I thought would be continuing for a very long time. This was the one that was "paying the bills" -- the one that kept money in my checking account and paid for my classes and other expenses every month. It was also the one that kept me lazy, because as long as I had that job, I didn't need to do anything else...
Well, you know what happens when you start to take something for granted, right? It gets taken away. Forgive me if that's a little morbid--that's just the way it seems to go in my life! Turns out the corporation I was writing for wasn't making enough money off of this project--in fact they were working at a loss and hoping for a turnaround. Though they valued my work and appreciated what I did, it's over. They'll still be using me for other projects, but nothing steady right now. So...
My plans to focus exclusively on my poetry and singing/songwriting have to be balanced with more copywriting work for the time being. This is not a bad thing, it's just not what I planned. Things rarely do go as planned, but in the end it all makes sense, right? As my mom always tells me, there is a reason for everything. So I'll put my faith into this, and I'll continue to work my ass off to pay those bills and get back into my SongU classes. There's nothing holding me back but fear. I have the skills--I paid for them!--and now it's time to USE them.
I've been living under this idea of scarcity for a long time; that there is only so much of me to go around. So much energy, so much love. But truthfully I don't believe in that. I know there's enough love to go around, enough energy, enough time. Sometimes I'm just afraid that if I give all of me, I'll actually achieve everything I have dreamed of, and then what? I live for the struggle and I don't know what to do when things are good. It's time to find out!